How to Choose a Parenting Style

Forming our own parenting style can be very difficult. We all grew up with different types of parents. Some had very strict parents, some had parents who were overly lax or disinterested. Others had parents who were strict but nurturing. It can be especially difficult if you and your spouse had parents with differing styles. How do we know the correct style to use?

The different styles of parenting can be broken down into 4 categories: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Let's look at this graphic provided by Amy Morin at Very Well Family:


In the first box we have authoritarian parents. These parents are very strict. They require children to obey, without question, no matter the circumstance. They are quick to punish and slow to validate or listen to the child. 

In the box below that are the permissive parents. These parents are the opposite of authoritarian parents. Rules don't exist in these homes. Children are allowed free reign with little to no boundaries. They lack consistent discipline for wrongdoing.

In the purple box we see the uninvolved parents. These parents are more like roommates to their children. They are disinterested in their children's lives, provide very little guidance, and don't provide a nurturing environment for their children. We could call these parents neglectful parents.

In the final box we view the authoritative parents. These are the ones that provide their children with boundaries and consistent discipline. They enforce rules, while validating emotions. They really listen to their children and fine tune their discipline to each unique child and each situation. They create strong bonds with their children that are based in love and trust. They are firm, but kind. They seek cooperation over immediate obedience. This means that the parent and child learn how to resolve issues together, listening to the child's perspective and ideas before moving forward. They are not quick to anger because they recognize that the child is learning and will grow more when we calmly resolve disputes rather than allow our emotions to control our reactions. Through this, our children learn how to appropriately react when things go wrong, and how to recognize the emotions they feel.

Looking at these 4 parenting methods it is easy to see which is the one we should strive for. Authoritative parenting is the healthiest of the methods we can use. All parents will begin to stray into the other parenting methods from time to time, but it is important to reset ourselves when we see this begin to happen. 


Reference:

Morin, A. (2019, July 12). 4 types of parenting styles and their effects on kids. Retrieved February 13, 2021, from https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045


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